This Assignment Sucks!

The Narrator wasn't looking forward to the visit of the blind man because the narrator had been sucked up into his daily routine and didn't like any variations on it. This is because he felt secure in his routine, like he had some semblance of control, but he clearly wasn't truly happy in it as evidenced by his habitual use of marijuana to distract himself. 

The wife's poetry and attempted suicide are both indicators of her need for emotional connection with other people. She didn't get this from her past life with the officer due to the constant moving, hence the suicide attempt. In this sense, the face-touching was her being seen by the blind man. They shared an emotional connection in that moment -- he was really trying to know and understand her better. 

To receive your wife's friend is to love your wife. I use "wife" only as an example; it can be interchanged with any other person and remain true. You are opening your home to this stranger not because you want to, but because your wife wants to and you are willing to make that sacrifice for her. 

Robert seems to have seen Beulah's intentions, her character, and her loving and caring heart. Our misguided narrator, however, cannot get past her race. To see someone is to cast aside predisposed notions and look at the way someone thinks, their intentions, their desires, and their character. To be seen, obviously, is to have someone see these things in you, and it is a validating experience indeed if it is a positive one. 

The narrator smokes pot to distract himself from his monotonous and un-fulfilling daily routine. This reveals his lack of desire, or lack of realization of his desires. He's going through life almost like a horse with blinders on. The blind man is less enthusiastic about pot because he sees it for what it really is: an impediment. He knows that pot will blur his "sight" if used overtime. He knows that it is something dangerous, something that can become one's focus and will distract from his relatively fulfilling life. This is why he's fine with doing it once, but overall unenthusiastic. 

People put more effort into the more important aspects of their lives. For example, we have enormous football stadiums these days and Sunday has become, for many, and day of football and not the Sabbath. This applies to churches as well: back when they were the centerpieces of daily life, they were grand and beautiful. Many are still grand and beautiful, but nowhere near the scale of what they used to be because church has dropped to the bottom of our societal to-do list. 

The narrator has difficulty describing a cathedral because he's never wondered about it. He just goes through the motions of life, not stopping to examine the spider webs. When he closes his eyes, he can finally fully understand where the blind man is coming from. He sees a new point of view for the first time in his life, most likely. He understands that the elimination of sight has given him a tabula rasa upon which he can truly wonder about things. 

The Journey of the Staple

I sit here, looking at a staple. It's currently attached to another staple, which is part of a chain of other staples. The staple is next in line for my stapler. It could be the small piece of metal that keeps my next essay from falling apart, or it could be wasted as a test staple. It might be defective and thrown away, or it might not fail until I am about to turn the paper in. At the last second, it could release and my essay would become 10 sheets of scattered paper. I might never use it. It could sit in this house until we move out, because the stapler was misplaced. Maybe the next tenants will discover it and use that staple for their new homeowner's legal documents.
Eventually, though, it will probably find its way into the trash. It is inevitable. It could be used on my senior thesis, which the teacher will grade and return to me. I will likely keep that paper around for a few months, or maybe even a few years. One day I will find it in an old drawer or binder and realize that I have a copy backed up on my hard drive, and I will throw that copy away. Or, I might put it in a book of memories and keep it until I die. My children may cherish this book for ages. But they might forget it in the attic of a temporary house. The point is, whatever I attach my staple to will eventually lose significance. And it will be discarded.
I might rip my pants tomorrow, and not have a needle and thread handy! The staple could become part of one of my garments. I might pass that garment down to my cousin, who might wear it thin and throw it away. The staple could rust, it could lose its grip and fall out, it could fall in the grass and bury itself, or it could disappear in the corner of a schoolroom. Its job is important, but its significance will die quickly.
Interestingly enough, though, it will endure for a long, long time. A staple does not dissolve or melt or break up too easily, even after it is discarded. It is an object with a long life, but it will only be needed for a small fraction of that life.

Wonder is applied imagination.

When I was 6, my description would probably have been a wildly unpredictable one. I was not bound by experience and reality. My imagination had not yet been restrained by interaction with the world. I would have forecast exciting things for the staple that, in reality, would probably never happen. It would have been a pure outburst of imagination, not wonder.

St. Gregory of Nyssa's quote, in my opinion, emphasizes the importance of the search for truth over the actual understanding of it. A concept is something that the human brain can fully understand, because concepts are created by the human brain. To have a concept, we must be able to perceive. An idol is something concrete that one worships, whether it is an idea, person, or thing. It is often referred to negatively, because it implies material worship rather than heavenly worship. The first portion of the sentence is saying that when we truly believe we understand something, we have fallen into complacency. When we reduce God to a concept and think we fully understand Him, we have begun to worship something false; we are on the wrong path.
Wonder, however, is the constant search and thirst for the truth. Wonder is the path to an answer, but is not actually an answer in and of itself. St. Gregory of Nyssa is telling us that the only way to truly grasp anything is to be in a constant awareness of our inability to entirely understand it. That awareness, he posits, combined with the hunger and desire for truth, allows us to fully experience reality.

Rich Irony at Kenyon

David Foster Wallace's thesis about our ability to dictate our interaction with reality is valid. We have all had the experience that he refers to negatively, or gone through the motions if you will. It happens more times than anyone can keep track of. And, every once in a while, many people maintain an awareness during an otherwise routine situation that allows them to realize the humanity of the surrounding people. Often, we must be reminded by somebody else that has a better perspective. It is always easier to spot "routine living", if you will, when you are not the offending party. The simplest example that comes to mind is a recent experience. I was getting a Slurpee at the 7-Eleven near my house with my dad, and the cashier hardly said anything to me when I bought it. He didn't even respond when I said, "Have a nice day." I was a little miffed, but my dad reminded me that the cashier was probably at the end of his seemingly infinite shift during which he had to listen to the blaring *ding dong* every time the door was opened and tend to dozens of other meaningless and undignified tasks. My dad knew that we were in water, while I had taken it for granted.

I usually engage this choice how I did at 7-Eleven: the blinded-by-routine way. I would like to engage this choice how my father did in that same situation. In fact, I often suggest that other people do the same, much to their frustration. Most people do not grasp this concept, that we can engage reality in whatever way we choose to. This is shown, ironically, by DFW's audience. They clap whenever he is illustrating what not to do; they support him when he is sarcastically advocating the bad example. This goes to show that many people in this world, even graduates of one of the finest liberal arts colleges in the world, have been absorbed in to systems and structures that blind them to their freedom to interact with reality however they please.

Caligula, Act I

Camus demonstrates Caligula's heart by placing him at the intersection of the desire for the impossible, in his case the moon, and reality. Caligula seems to draw a certain vigor from this intersection, as shown in his conversation with Helicon. Caligula argues that the impossible goals we set mustn't be dismissed as a waste of time, but instead should be pursued and seen through to the end. He adds that logic (or reason) is all that is needed and should be maintained at all costs. The implication here is that Caligula is an intelligent person with a basic understanding of his existence, unlike the other emperors described by the patricians.

The patricians think Caligula is young and naive. They say that he is too artistic, and they label him as a misfit in the great line of Roman emperors. They say that he should put aside all else except his role as a public servant. They did, however, like the fact that he was inexperienced because it gave them greater influence over him.
While the nobles' observations of Caligula are mostly correct, I disagree with their position on Caligula. They see him in a largely negative light, because he is unlike the emperors of the past. But, if the descriptions of those emperors were accurate, I think Caligula should be viewed positively. He is immersed in the great questions of our human existence, and quality that should be embraced among emperors. How should the kingdom contain happy people if its ruler leads an unhappy life? To address the statement that Caligula should be more of a public servant, I quote Caligula on page 9: "I wish men to live by the light of truth. And I've the power to make them do so." This discourse shows that he is indeed the greatest public servant of all; he can see the greatest problem facing the people of the Empire and he wishes to enlighten and help them with it.

A Map

My map is...
Colorful.
Tall.
Wide.
Thin.
Smooth.
Glossy.
A Mercator projection map.
50" by 38".
Covered in lines.
Mostly blue.
In my basement, above my computer.
Helpful.
Thick with words.
Mass produced.
More than 10 years old.
Not up to date.
Small scale.
Of the whole world.
Inanimate.
Flammable.
Held to the wall by tacks.
Mostly decorative.
Next to a map of the USA.
Centered on the USA.
A teacher.
A display of the countries of the world and their relative locations.
Political.

What will make me happy?

I'll start with the first thing that comes to mind, and go from there.

Success in the things I care about will make me happy. Right now, I really care about my music. Competitions and such are nice, sure, and I work hard to do well in them. But, at the end of the day, the most important thing is how well I played. If I can say that I would have enjoyed hearing my own performance from the audience, then I am content. If I can’t say that, then it doesn't matter whether I scored well or won the competition or passed the test. I will be unhappy.

But that brand of happiness seems to be kind of fleeting.

I think I am most happy when I feel like I am contributing to something. Whether it’s the hallways at homecoming or the conversation at the dinner table, If I am positively affecting the situation I am usually happy. I also get pretty unhappy when I’m negatively affecting a situation.

Another aspect of my own happiness is belonging. I need other people to accept me for me to be happy. This includes family, friends, even rivals. If the person I am competing with doesn’t accept me as a worthy competitor, I get uneasy and upset (although this can be quite motivational at times). Sometimes, when I don’t feel accepted, I try to change my persona around that un-accepting group. 

And this leads us to my next point…

I need to stay true to myself to be happy. When I change my persona to become accepted (usually unconsciously) like I mentioned previously, I am about as unhappy as I’ll ever be as soon as I notice it. It will eat at me for a while and wear me down until I can’t keep associating with those people because I have to wear that persona around them. To be happy, I have to act according to my ideals and what I believe, not what other people want me to believe.

A similar concept is loneliness.

I cannot be alone if I am to be happy. This has many implications. It applies to the day-to-day: I need human interaction, to some extent, on most days. Also, I think I will need a wife to be happy with my life in the future. I really want someone that I can spend the rest of my days with. I want to share the human experience with another. I also want to have close friends – there is a strange loneliness that arises from having too many friends. There is an inability to grow close with anyone when you are spreading your time thin between too many people. I want to avoid that in my life, and I want to grow close with a small group of friends.

Finally, and most importantly, I want to add a sense of order to my life; I would like to have a strong idea of my identity. I do not have this yet. 

Introduction

To initiate this blog, I will introduce myself, my values and beliefs, my past, and my goals. I am a kid in a constant state to satisfy my standards for myself. These are quite high. I fail to do this many times each day! These failures are what motivate me to improve. It's weird: every time I let my standards down, I become that much more determined to get better in that area. This mindset defines me, and it's the most important thing in the world to me. When I look back on my lowest moments, they were the times that I failed myself and was OK with it; I felt no desire to do better. This is not just in tangible activities like academics, work, or athletics, it also crosses over into other things like my relationships with parents, friends, and God.

My relationship with God is not a particularly strong one. I feel a responsibility to adhere to a certain moral code and to live my life in the way He prescribes, but I do not have a strong bond with Him. When I pray, I feel reminded of the way I should live my life and inspired to do so, but I don't really feel a connection to a higher being. This has been a point of  much concern for me and I talked about it extensively with Amanda, the old assistant rector at my church (I'm Episcopalian, where female priests are allowed). I do go to church when I'm in town, but if I'm away I generally don't make much effort to find a church. I've gone to the same church my whole life, and I've come to love the Episcopal Church. I also have a great deal of respect for the Catholic Church, and I feel comfortable attending Catholic Mass. I do plan to continue as an Episcopalian in the future, however, for many reasons, the foremost being the inclusive nature of the Eucharist in Episcopal tradition.

I live in a nice suburb of a big city with two parents who both hold well-paid government jobs. Our house is big and we live comfortably. However, my parents always try to make me earn the things I have. I really value that effort on my parents part. They've made me realize that things don't come easily in this world. They also have tried to expose me to a wide range of experiences in many areas like food, athletics, cultures, people, music, and places. This has opened my mind and caused me to be more accepting of other practices in these areas. I think my parents wanted me to be a part of the global generation, and they have suceeded. I appreciate that.

In my future, I hope to be content with my long term situation. Here's what I mean: at any given moment I want to be able to look at the next ten, twenty, even thirty years of my life and be happy with the possibilities and oppurtunities in front of me. I want to keep the metaphorical doors that are important to me open. Currently, those doors include a career in music, a career as an acousital engineer, time to experience a large scope of our world, and a partner to share those experiences with.